Friends Don't Drug Friends
by singingrain
Summary: Sasuke is forced to take care of a sick Naruto and decides the best way to do this is to shove medication down his throat. Drugged madness ensues. Oneshot. Crack. NaruSasuNaru flavoring but not explicit.


"Damn that big breasted bitch," mumbled a disgruntled Sasuke as the wind slammed the door shut behind him. He ripped off his coat and detached his scarf from its chokehold.

"Just because the resident idiot caught a cold, she blackmails me into taking care of him." He ground his teeth and stomped further into the apartment. "I'm a ninja, not a goddamn nursemaid."

Drawn by the noise, a blonde head poked out of the bedroom. Naruto's eyes were watery, his nose was unnaturally red, and a scowl marred his usually perpetually sunny face.

"Fuck off, Sasuke," was all that was heard before the face disappeared behind a slammed door. Apparently even annoyingly cheerful blond idiots get cranky when they're sick. Too bad Sasuke was the grand master of cranky.

The bedroom door was promptly kicked in, splinters flying everywhere. Sasuke was on top of the uncharacteristically slow blonde in a second, using his slim cold fingers to pry open Naruto's stubborn feverishly warm jaw.

"Eat these,"

More prodding and jaw clenching.

"Fucking meds,"

A single digit slipping between pursed lips.

"So I can,"

Naruto throwing a wild punch at Sasuke's face and missing horribly,

"Go home!"

Sasuke finally pried Naruto's jaw open enough to slip two fingers into his mouth to use as leverage to get it open more. However, owner of said mouth suddenly relaxed his face, causing Sasuke to throw the mouth open. On reflex, Sasuke released the pressure he was exerting just in time to have Naruto snap his teeth back together with a sickening crunch of Sasuke's fingers.

Sasuke held in a girlish scream and brought the elbow of his other arm up. Then he slammed it down into Naruto's temple, effectively knocking him out.

X X X

Naruto woke up feeling sleepy. Very sleepy. And mildly curious as to why he was awake in the first place.

But he could feel it. Hunger.

He stumbled out into the kitchen area, aiming for the ramen pantry. Sasuke was sitting at the table drinking tea, looking particularly pissy about something.

Sasuke looked at him and glowered.

Naruto's muddled mind tried to think of a reason why Sasuke was in his apartment, but came up with nothing. The last thing he remembered before he woke up was watching TV in his bedroom after he had reported his absence to Tsunade.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

Sasuke turned his glare towards the door. "We've been snowed in."

Naruto nodded. That didn't really explain anything, but he found himself not really caring either way. He was more focused on getting ramen.

He finished his pilgrimage to the pantry and began making himself a cup. Sasuke watched him and sighed. Even being sick and shoved full of the cold medicine that had been force fed to him while he was unconscious, Naruto still only ate ramen.

No wonder he was sick.

Naruto finished making his meal and sat down at the table across from Sasuke, slowly curling his upper body around the cup of noodles like a cat. Then, closing his eyes and dipping in his chopsticks, he began tucking into them agonizingly slow.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at this behavior. Where was the gulping, the slurping, the choking? Naruto had never eaten noodles this slowly.

He continued watching the blonde eat out of a prickling curiosity until the man finished and opened his eyes to gaze at Sasuke lazily. His eyes, Sasuke now saw, were far from what they looked like when Sasuke had first got arrived at the apartment. Then, they had simply been watery and tired, and now they were dull and glazed over, barely even open.

Perhaps Sasuke had gone a little heavy on the drugs.

X X X

Sasuke had shuffled Naruto off to bed after his unhealthy meal to hopefully sleep off the brain-numbing effects of the medication that had been given him.

A few hours after seeing him to bed, the apartment began getting unbearably cold, and Sasuke creaked open the bedroom door to see if he could get to the thermostat to turn up the heat. When he peeked inside, though, he was met with a freezing cold blast of air with SNOW fluttering in it.

And a half-naked Naruto lying on top of his bed, covers all askew and overhead window WIDE open.

Sasuke rushed into the room, flinging himself towards the open window. Once he had manages to get it closed, he turned his rage onto the one who had obviously opened it.

"What the fuck were you doing?"

Naruto simply blinked dazed eyes a few times before turning over onto his stomach. Finally a muffled reply came from his pillow.

"I was hot…"

Sasuke wanted to scream in frustration.

X X X

"Sasuke," Naruto shuffled out into the living room, rubbing his eyes sleepily like a child. "I don't feel so good."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Of course you don't; you're sick."

Naruto hung his head and shook it negatively. "No, I mean, my tummy hurts." He clutched his abdomen to demonstrate.

Sasuke's eyebrow went up again at the word 'tummy' before swooping down into a frown.

"If you have to puke," he started walking towards Naruto to hopefully steer him back towards a bathroom, "you should stay near a toilet."

Naruto let out a whining sound and nodded his head slowly as Sasuke approached. But when Sasuke reached out a hand to begin pushing him the right direction, Naruto threw out his arms and embraced the man in a desperate hug. He buried his head into a stunned Sasuke's shoulder and let out a pitiful groan.

Then he proceeded to puke all over Sasuke's back.

X X X

"Sasuke," the blonde sleepily mumbled. "Why does the pink giraffe have a party hat, but Vladimir Putin doesn't?"

"I don't know!" Sasuke snapped, viciously scrubbing his shirt in the kitchen sink. A few seconds passed before he paused and turned around to look at his patient for the day.

"Explain what you just said," he bit out.

"Well, I think it's kinda rude for the giraffe to have not offered Putin one when he clearly has extras."

"Naruto," Sasuke began slowly. "Are you seeing a pink giraffe and Vladimir Putin right now?"

Naruto blinked a few times, signaling his confusion with otherwise glazed over eyes.

"Well of course. They're having a tea party right over there." At the last part he flopped his head lazily over toward the far corner to indicate the direction. As Sasuke stared back at him with BOTH his eyebrows raised, Naruto felt a realization struggle to break free. When in made its way out, Naruto's blue orbs, previously only showing drugged oblivion, hazed with concern.

"You mean you DON'T see them? Your vision is pretty fucked up, Sasuke. You should really get your eyes checked."

X X X

"Of COURSE the heater would stop working. While we're snowed in. And I'm stuck here. And you're sick and tripping on cold medicine. Of course."

Sasuke tried to keep his teeth from chattering as he went on his tirade. That would ruin the effectiveness of the whole thing. Especially the perfectly good glare he was throwing his forced roommate's way.

Naruto's face fell into a pout as he mournfully said, "I'm sorry…"

Sasuke sighed and relaxed his face as much he could. It was strangely difficult to stay angry at the blond man when he was in the state he was. The blonde man that was…

Radiating…

Feverish…

HEAT.

"Hey Naruto," he began. "Are you feeling sleepy?" Now normally, Sasuke would never use the word 'sleepy.' It was too cutesy. But it seemed abundantly appropriate for this situation.

Naruto nodded slowly and rubbed his eyes. "I could use a nap," he mumbled.

Sasuke got up, trying to stop shivering, and led Naruto towards the bedroom, plan fully formed.

"I'm feeling a bit tired myself, "Sasuke whispered almost seductively. "Why don't we take a nap together?"

A small carefree grin appeared on Naruto's face as he flopped his head up and down in the affirmative. Sasuke smirked and led him to the bed and under the covers where he promptly climbed in with him and Naruto's sickly warmth quickly put them both to sleep.

X X X

"Oh my FUCKING god," Kiba said with a disgusted face, snow shovel thrown haphazardly over his shoulder.

"W-what?" Hinata walked up to her teammate curiously. Kiba scrunched his nose and pointed towards the bedroom of the apartment they had just dug out of the towering layers of snow, where two sleeping figures lay tangled together on the bed.

"Sasuke and Naruto are fucking CUDDLING."


End file.
